The Other Side of the Coin

Prologue

I lay in my bed most of the time. Rather, time has made me remain so. I keep watching the rotating fans. I keep listening to the ticking time every night. I usually 'kill' time. Sometimes I feel, "Why doesn't the time kill me once for all and end the story?"

They say, "God has made everyone on this earth for a purpose". What was His purpose in making me? What was His purpose of making me a 'special' child? A child who was abandoned by his parents. A child who lives in an orphanage waiting for his day. How do I know what purpose God has made me for?.... My mind races several thoughts while I simply lay down on my bed.

Who am I?

For people who don't know me - I am Pavan. Pavan means ‘breeze’. What an irony that I can't even stand on my own feet? I have been cursed by God as "physically challenged". Earlier, people used to call the same as "physically handicapped". What difference does it make to listeners like me? For strange reasons, people pity the physically challenged like me. I don't need their sympathy. I am hungry for love. I yearn for a friend or relative whom I can call my own. Someone I can play with. Someone who can share my ups & downs in life. I hardly remember any ups in my life. The only "up" is this orphanage that has given me shelter, food & all basic things to keep me going. There are also "ups" when I have visitors coming to see me. Sorry, see us. There are many more in this orphanage who are either physically or mentally challenged.

I spent around a decade in this orphanage. 'Family' is a word I heard of. But never experienced it. Many times, I imagine what my parents must be looking like? Do they ever think about me? If so, don't they feel like meeting me? I could atleast ask them why they actually gave birth to me when they had to finally abandon me? These questions hit me hard each day & night.

Visiting hours

Nevertheless, I have some 'others' who like to visit. I wait patiently for their monthly visit which they call a "TSA Trip". I see young software engineers in groups, dressed in their usual best. Confidence that gives me an inspiration to achieve something in life. Perhaps, this inspiration could lead me to the purpose of my life.

Some are accompanied with their children. How lucky these visiting children are to have everything they need in life to kick-start & zoom into a journey called life. They just have to enjoy their childhood to the fullest. While I feel happy seeing them, I also realize what I have been missing in my own life.

My hands waved in the air to catch their attention. I wish I could get up on my own & greet them. Play with them. Laugh & giggle as much as I can. But, this 'curse' God has given me, doesn't allow me to do so.

The moments

Incidentally, a guy came near my bed. Not so good looking. Yet he had the universal expression called 'smile' to get along. He waved his hand at me saying "Hiiii!!, My name is Deepak. How are you?" I instantly kept my thoughts aside & raised my hand. He shook my hand & asked "What's your name?!". I uttered my name. Due to my abnormal voice, I had to repeat it 3 times before he got it.

He took the efforts of breaking ice & kept talking to me. I raised both hands signaling him to lift me from my bed. For his built, he could actually take me in his arms & lift me. Apart from the caretakers, I hardly remember the last time a visitor had carried a bulky me. He took me to different rooms & tried his energy in swinging me while humming some vague tune. It felt so good to zoom past other beds & objects in the hall. I tried talking to him. Most of it could not be understood by him. I enjoyed so much being with him for those few minutes. I developed a bond with him that made me ask for a little more. I tried getting down on the ground. He understood I wanted to walk. He made me forget my handicap & supported me while I tried to walk. Soon I tried to run. Poor guy, he continued holding me tight so I don't fall. I could feel the breeze out of the still air while he was swinging me. Laughter escaped my mouth. I saw myself living the moment with him.

Time was up & he had to place me back on my bed. A place that brings all the same thoughts I had kept aside few moments back. I didn't want to part from him. This insatiable desire in me made me go wild as he was getting ready to leave. I cried loud to get his attention. He did turn back. But only to wave a goodbye to me. For some reason, his eyes went moist. I realized he too felt for me. He lifted me again for some more time. I could see that he was tired carrying a grown up kid like me. This time while he was placing me back, I tried the same to get hold of him. But, he left me & didn't come back. Had I been physically fit, that moment I probably would've ran for him & clasped him tight.

I still lay down in my bed & think about him & those moments I spent with him. Does he ever think about me? Does he know that I still wait to see him again?

Perhaps, he is too busy leading his own life…

(This is partly a work of fiction based on a 10 minutes interaction I had with Pavan during one of the TSA trips MindTree organizes regularly. Sincere thanks to MindTree & all the volunteers who help the old age home & orphanage run successfully. The TSA trip also makes the visitors realize some deep facts of life. These facts also make us a better human being whether at home or at work. My heartfelt thanks to all the caretakers of the old age home & orphanage for their selfless & continuous efforts in taking care of the inmates in a best possible way.)